Birthdays

A couple of close friends from work have birthdays this month.
One was last week, the other near the end of the month.
Both are very warm and sensitive people.
Yet in spite of all that they do for others simply by being around,
by giving off their warm positive energy, they don't always appreciate themselves fully.

Perhaps it is because we are taught not to be too much in love with ourselves.
That was the point of the ancient story of Narcissus.
But we really should be comfortable loving, and liking ourselves,
at the same time we are fully aware of things we might like to work on.
We all have areas of strength and areas of need and things which could be improved upon.

Even with our so-called flaws and we all have some things, usually a few things which we'd like to change, we can and should feel able and willing to love ourselves without reservation- without any conditionality. It is important, not just for us, but for those around us- those we love and care about. If we are patient and accepting of our own work-in-progress selves, we find it easier to take some of the little things in stride which others do, things which might be a little troubling or annoying. If we can remember that none of us has as yet achieved perfection, it is helpful.

No one that I know, even the most gifted, talented or insightful has finished with their journey of discovery and growth. We do sometimes get stuck, and sometimes for a long time, but life really is about learning. That is what we do.
In spite of the imperfections with mainstream learning, in spite of the fact that many come to believe that they don't enjoy learning or aren't very bright, at least in particular areas, we remain learning machines. We learn things all the time. We reinforce what we take in with own self-talk, both positive and negative. Many of the messages floating around in the mainstream media, from programming and from advertising cause of to focus on our various short-comings. Often they are trying to sell us something or move us in one direction or another. They will help us, maybe even save us, if only we will part with a few of our dollars. They will make us more complete. We might even become a little bit like super stars.

While, there are some beneficial goods and services out there, we are the ones who have to do most of the work, if we want anything to change. That is the truth. There's no way around it. There are no silver bullets, not magic elixirs which make everything right, and only a hand-full of winning lottery tickets out there. We have to do the work.

Whenever I feel my own birthday looming on the horizon, I become a bit more introspective than usual. It is still a few months away, November, but I can already feel the effects. I think about what I have done and haven't done over that past year or so. I begin an informal assessment process. I look back and look ahead. At this point in time, I am once more hopeful.
Certain outsiders might find that hard to believe. I haven't really accomplished much in terms of worldly achievements. I haven't. I have been a dreamer much more than a doer. And I went through a period when the approach of my birthday brought with it months of low energy and at times outright depression. For several years that happened.

My emotional life is far more varied than it used to be. I used to appear to be able to take everything in stride. I seemed to be able to let all kinds of stress roll off, to the amazement of many others. I was always so calm. Now I am at times quite volatile. I do have a lot of ups and downs. I went through a period of great negativity. I even found myself beginning to gossip and I made some situations worse, for myself and for others. But now, even when I slip, I catch myself pretty quickly, and I am able to regain my composure and balance fast too. I can let go of things and people easily (for a time, far too easily) and I can pick them up again, if it seems that it is appropriate for them come back into my life.

I am at peace with myself, with my lack of accomplishments and all. I have done a lot, just not a lot of the things I dreamed about.
I am currently in the process of figuring out what I did or didn't do that added to or diminished the chances of some of those things coming into existence. I am working on it. I am writing and thinking all the time and I am trying new things. All of that feels good, because I am making some progress. I am learning and growing again. Still learning and still crazy after all these years. Most of the time that is enough to make me very happy.

Birthdays are a good things, even big ones with a zero at the end.
If you orient yourself to be aware of your own growth, you really do begins to enjoy every moment of your journey. Even with the relatively new awareness that your remaining time is finite. It is all good, if you learn from it, even the unwanted obstacles. They too can provide interesting things to think about.

Thank you for such an amazing life.
C

Copyright 2010 Craig Parks