Freedom

The ability to mentally try on something and consider the implications of WHAT IF is an important skill. Some may find this threatening when and if a possibility conflicts with a closely held existing belief. But in such cases, it might be useful to remember that simply considering something is quite different than automatically accepting it.

Think about the prospect of reincarnation. In some circles the topic would be wildly divisive, in others completely innocuous. I bring up the topic not to take a position, but rather to ask that you consider just one of the relatively minor bi-products of that idea- that each of us have lived and will live lives as both male and female. Opening yourself to that one idea for even a millisecond could change so much about how we see ourselves and the opposite gender. It could radically alter so many things even if we never ultimately embrace the idea of reincarnation itself. Ideas give birth to new ideas.

One of the possible answers to the eternal question of Why are we here? is that our purpose in life is to learn from life- from our own experiences and from those of others. Ideas which are forced upon others will eventually be questioned by all who have the capacity and inclination to think. This is why repressive leaders always limit access to information and attempt to control, devalue or even disable institutions of genuine learning and places where ideas are freely exchanged.

Freedom of expression is an extension of freedom of thought. The ability and willingness to ask enough probing, what if questions can and will almost always reveal the shortcomings and dangers of something. It will also show the merits of a concept which is good. Ordinary common sense often prevails if it is not interfered with. There is never anything to fear from a discussion which is open and honest and each side is actually trying to understand the reasoning of those on the other side of the issue.

But all too often, the over zealous descend into campaigns of disinformation and engage in debates deliberately designed to instill fear and create hysteria. The goal is not one of truth seeking or understanding, but rather to vilify all who hold a different perspective and make them seem somehow less-than-human. The "others" are then seen, by the "true believers" as deserving of whatever terrible fate that comes their way. They are viewed as completely unworthy of anyone's consideration or compassion.

Certain groups may quickly come to mind. Exactly who they are may differ depending on our particular orientation and priorities. What I will ask you to remember is that there are marginalized elements in every society which make use of ignorance and hate in their attempts to gain power. No nation is free from potential tyrants who if they could, silence or eliminate any and all who oppose or even question them.

Yet at the same time, in every corner of our world, there are those of deep understanding, great inner strength and profound compassion who have the very real capacity to lead us out of the darkness and help us to value and protect the ultimate freedom- being able to think for ourselves.

Vision Quest Revisited #2

1999
I was a floater
and an imaginary hunter.
I was also afraid of making anything happen.
I thought that letting things happen would spare me
the experience of having to feel guilty
for something that I did.
What happened was that
I found myself feeling bad
about things I hadn't done.


1999
...AND SOMETIMES
I WAS SIMPLY AFRAID




Afraid of the way I feel




filling the space





I must have looked like a hopeless longshot.
I don't know why she bet on me,
but I felt I had a chance to win
just because of her.


inscription on a coin
IN GOLD WE TRUST


I'd like to wake you
BUT I THINK I'LL LET YOU SLEEP




I wanted to let go and fall in love
without any holding back
I wanted to make babies with you-
I really wanted to, but I was afraid.



I did love you
as much as I was capable of
at the time,
but

I just couldn't let things get out of control.







Neither One Of Us
Understood the Other,

And That Brought About A Kind Balance.





at the time
I couldn't understand
and it really blew me away.
SHE EXPECTED ME TO LEAVE HER.
That thought refused to let go of me
for quite a long time.


She had been through a lot.
A part of her had given up long ago,
another part kept on trying
looking for someone or something
she hoped was out there.




wash me away


there's still a song inside of you
(perhaps somewhat subdued)



She Might Have

But sometimes,
with some people,
Even asking
is too much of a promise.




agreed upon boundaries

Vision Quest Revisited

In 1999 I came across a collection of poetry I had written during the mid to late 70's. After rereading the work a few times, I began to write new pieces which were in one way or another reactions to or in some ways inspired by the earlier work. I recently came upon that manuscript once again and have decide to present selected excerpts here.

In some instances, work dated 1999 or 2009 is not preceded by an earlier work. This is because the original work has been edited out of the present manuscript. All work is copyrighted by the the author, Craig Parks- 2009.

Some of the things
I've learned most about
still cause me the most confusion

1999
That doesn't bother me

Listen

Something has happened to you-
Your voice has changed
It's now very gentle

Listen for the sound of love
in your own voice




Sometimes I think it would be better if I didn't talk at all

1999
there were times
when I nearly forgot how to talk.




One day I noticed the word inherent.
My attention focused on "in her."
I opened my old dictionary.
The definition began "permanently united"
Sometimes it's like that.



What about love that seems to have lost its life?
Could it be that there is just so much unfinished business
That is getting in the way?


Note to Authors
perhaps we shouldn't do anything to our characters
that we wouldn't want done to ourselves.

2009
causing your characters to suffer
when there is no good reason for it
may well be a form of pornography-
without any redeeming value.


If you give your love expecting
something in return- perhaps you are trading
and not really giving

Maybe trading is OK
IF you and the other person know that
that is what you are doing




AFRAID to be who you really are?


There we were
With nothing but our emptiness
There we were
Hurting in all the same places







more next time... if you like

Twittascope

From time to time I share a Tarot reading which is more often than not done for myself, but which seems like it may be of value for others as well. What follows at the bottom of the page is my Twittascope reading for today. Though it is meant for me, it may well be good for you to keep in mind too.

As I have grown older, I have become more and more liberated. I tend to do what I want more than ever before. I try to feed and nurture myself creatively and minimize experiences which work against my overall well-being. Even so, I still sometimes I find myself feeling the need to explain what I'm thinking or feeling or why I doing something. But it usually doesn't matter to anyone else. They normally neither need nor even want to know. They are usually too preoccupied with their own stuff. Most of the time it's only important for me. This might be true for you as you do what you need to be doing each and every day. Have a good one. Do what you need to do.
Let's each make the most of OUR time.

Your approach to taking care of yourself is different from everyone else's, but you know what you need and should be able to get it. Don't waste your time and energy explaining your motives to your friends or family; just make the most of the present opportunity. Finding personal satisfaction in a way that's uniquely yours will refresh your soul and rejuvenate your body.

Weighing Your Options

Recently, a number of old friends and other acquaintances who have drifted away over time, have come back into my life. It has been fun and interesting to see each of them, especially since most are attractive women whose reappearance seemed to be correlated with the departure of my most recent girlfriend. There are now many opportunities to fill the space left by her absence. I don't, however, have a lot of money right now, and just getting through the summer is a significant goal, and that tends to slow things down somewhat, but that's a whole other story.

I have found myself saying, "Hey, I'd like to get together with ____ , that would be fun." and it would be, but then realized that there's something else I really would rather do more or would just like to keep that time for myself. At times like that, I'm really glad that I tend to move more slowly than most other people.

Much of life is about making choices, we always have options- decisions to make. Some people I really, really do want to see whenever that's a possibility, others I like seeing now and then, some I prefer limiting our interactions to professional matters, and some, when I really stop and think about it, know that it's better if they remain as part of my past, no matter how alluring, available or tempting they may be in a moment of weakness.

Fortunately most of my friends have lots of social options. It's a little depressing to think of those who don't, but they are either individuals who want things that way or are the ones who tend to be overly dependent. I am no longer very tolerant of that latter way of being. It is sad, and I'm not without some compassion, but that is their life lesson to learn and work through, not yours or mine. Sacrificing one's life for your children or certain other individuals in a genuine emergency is one thing and would be done without hesitation by many of us, but displacing your life and what you need to do, on an ongoing basis, just because another person is bored or has no imagination is no way to live. Been there and done that. Being The Giving Tree is not very rewarding, unless it is your desire to be left as a stump, with all that you were or could have been, cut away and lost, perhaps forever. Most of us are fortunately, pretty resilient and that means that new branches will grow even when we've given away far too much in the past.

We all need to take care of and nurture ourselves, so that we CAN help others and be of value to the world. If we neglect our own needs for too long or too often, we will simply wither away and won't be able to help anyone.

Progress Report

I have managed to continue with the organization of my space for the past two days. There is much to do still, but acknowledging progress is part of how you keep yourself moving forward. Rewarding yourself with little breaks is too, but you do have to keep yourself focused and ask-what do I really want and need to be doing right now? Sometimes there is a conflict between the want and the need, but sometimes that is only on a surface level.

Deep down, what we want for ourselves is aligned with what we need to be doing and also deep down there, we know it. Connecting with that awareness requires a little quiet time. If you're not used to doing that, it can take a little practice, but don't give up easily. Try it and try again. The doors will open. With just a few attempts, the mental clutter does tend to clear away and you begin to see.
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Getting Down To Business

This is the eighth month-time to get down to business. In numerology, the number eight carries with it a business-like, professional or organized approach to things. I am in the process of cleaning up and organizing my home/studio. This type of maintenance is frequently neglected by creative types. We tend to either jump in without always thinking things through and don't always look back until it's too late, or we think about something endlessly and have a hard time making up our minds or sometimes never make a decision. Preparing or repairing one's personal and professional environments is vitally important to our overall creative potential and productivity. Think of it as something similar to taking time to prepare a canvas properly. Many of us when we were younger have had the experience of being impatient in these matters and later regretted our haste. Of course one can buy already prepared canvases just as one can hire someone to clean up after us or organize our space. But I want to suggest that going through this process yourself is of value and will build much needed skills if done consistently over time. Working within a somewhat chaotic environment may be fine with many of us-for a while. We can do it for quite a long time, but eventually a lot of creative types to accumulate too much clutter- a kind of critical mass. When this happens, we may not be able to find things we need. For the person who keeps an organizational map of everything in their head, finding yourself in this situation can be very frustrating. Sometimes we end up buying a second or third tool which we already have. It may take time to realize that we need to do something about this, because we're often amused by ourselves and some of us are particularly slow learners, but eventually we begin to see the need and understand that there may be some benefit to taking care of certain things. Reinventing the wheel can be beneficial from time to time, it can even be the source of new discoveries, but it is not an efficient way to get things done on a daily basis, nor is it a good way to get around to the things you really love, especially if don't have enough time in you day/ life and you're having to redo something you may have already put a lot of time and energy into because you misplaced it.

Anyway, that's what I'm telling myself as I try to get things straightened up around here. Even baby steps can be encouraging, but today I actually did a lot. Breakfast with a friend who is always a ray of sunshine and then seeing an inspiring movie 500 Days of Summer, then coming home and getting back to cleaning and sorting, then working on several small sculptures, and writing quite a bit too. It was a very satisfying day.
c