How much time have I wasted in this life, longing for more freedom, and feeling like a prisoner?
In most cases, it is our own reaction to an obstacle or challenge that actually limits what we are able to do. We withdraw or stop trying, and begin complaining either to others or perhaps more destructively, to ourselves, rather than work to get around whatever it is, or decide to move in an entirely different direction, perhaps reverting to the path of least resistance instead of recentering, reflecting and if it's something that's genuinely important, later coming at the original problem from another angle.
As children we normally don't have the awareness or skills to really chart our own course or navigate our way through the many narrows, shoals and rocky atolls which may impede our progress, but little by little, over time, often through hard knocks, we do learn something from our mistakes. Some people learn one thing, others take away an entirely different lesson. As Joni Mitchell pointed out with her line, "...spinning out on turns- that gets you tough..." life's spills can strengthen you, but it can also be damaging or even debilitating to others.
The difference may be inherent, part of our disposition, but it may also be the result of how we were nurtured as children or how we learned to relate to our siblings and peers. Over-protective parenting can instill fear, and cause children to avoid all or most forms of risk, even intellectual or emotional ones. The very same results can come about in oppressive environments. But some kids are simply unstoppable, often to the continual dismay of both parents and teachers. These irrepressible individuals, who often put up quite a bit of resistance along the way usually turn out to either be very success in whatever path they follow or end up being hammered down by the system, because they refuse to ever bend or compromise when they find themselves pushed into a corner.
Choosing one's battles can be a genuinely wise and successful strategy. It can be a complete cop- out, where nothing is ever presumed to be worth fighting for, or at the other extreme, a predisposition to assume that every mole hill is really a mountain and calls for digging in and making what could be your last stand on a daily basis.
I believe that if we are open to the opportunities for learning offered by life, if we are able to laugh at ourselves (though not always in the moment) and of course if we get up when we fall on our face, we do grow from our experiences. When we do this, our capacity and creative potential increase as we move forward, even when it seems like our progress is of the one step forward and two or three back variety. Even then we can learn and ultimately get to a place which is at least to some extent rewarding. We may end up somewhere which is very different from what we had expected or hoped for, but it may still be a place which is good for us on a number of levels and the result of our own best efforts.
Creative types love freedom- absolute and complete freedom! When we don't feel like we have that, many of us tend to sulk, some throw a tantrum either externally, which can be quite a spectacle, but even if we do it internally, it may still manifest itself in time. The cold hard truth of the matter is that he more creative we really are, in our total, overall being, the more we can handle in terms of the many possible roadblocks of life. It is a real life test. It's important for us to not allow ourselves to get stuck in the emotional traps which may have in the past ensnared us. When or if this happens, we need to refocus our attention on attacking the problem to be solved. Then and probably only then can we hope to do something about whatever it is that's getting in our way. Engaging our secretly gigantic egos can at times like this be a tremendous resource. We can create the internal freedom we seek, even within a literal or figurative jail cell. We have the power to release ourselves, while at the same time understanding and perhaps even forgiving our oppressors.
Most of the time, those who hold us back or pull us down, have no idea just how seriously damaging their essentially negative words, actions or basic dispositions can be. They often excuse themselves from really having to look at the effect they have of others. "It's just the way I am." And it's probably just the way they will continue to be. We can no longer afford to waste time or energy hoping that they will change. We must stop sulking and get over it! We must modify our own reaction to them. We can dis-empower them completely, by realizing and affirming to ourselves, again and again, as often as necessary that no matter what anyone says or does, our lives and efforts are meaningful, even with all the inevitable mistakes and setbacks which come with being alive, if we are helping or making a positive difference in the life of even one other person. That alone is something- something worth acknowledging and something which can help to keep us going when things are the most challenging. Speaking this basic truth to the illegitimate power they may have had over us up until now can set you free. There may be things which we can and should say to these individuals, but the most important things are those we say to ourselves.
