It's been a month since I have written anything here. Some of the blame can go to Blip.fm because it is just too addictive and fun. Ultimately though I just haven't been ready to commit anything to these pages- not that so many people are reading! It's a little hilarious that I would worry at all about what shows up here. My intentions are good though, I have often wanted to write, but just haven't managed it. Here comes my latest attempt.
I have been thinking that it may be very important not to assume any sort of negative intention on the part of others, especially when their words or actions impact me (or you) in a way that I (we) don't like. Making an extra effort in matters of this nature is appropriate especially when the other person has no apparent history of ill-intent.
Talking with the person, for the purpose of clarification about what you have been tempted to assume and in spite of your best efforts, have most likely begun to feel is the case is critical to avoiding or pulling out of a dangerous downward spiral. This needs to be done in a manner which is as neutral and non-threatening as possible. Great care are must be taken in this regard. At this point in time, you may not be the only one who has feelings linked to whatever it is that's going on. If you did not do a reality check right away and have instead just held things in, you may well have said, done or not done things which complicated matters and that have triggered reactions in the other person (people) and this means that much more than the original issue(s) could be tangled up together. Some intricate unraveling may be required.
In such situations, I believe that it is useful to assume a large measure of responsibility for not dealing with matters when they were less complicated, even when (from your perspective) the other person created the original problem. Working backwards, and sincerely apologizing for your part in things is necessary if you ever hope to constructively deal with the original root cause.
Being genuine is more important for YOU than for the other person. If you are unable to do this, you will never be able to proceed to where you want to be, so that you can let this other person know that they unknowingly hurt, frustrated or offended you in a subtle, yet very significant way. Remembering that this person most probably did not intend their words or actions to be interpreted in the way they were, is of critical importance. I hope that having written this will help me in what I need to do. And I hope that if you are ever in a similar situation, it will help you too.
And so it is.
