something new

I have just published a little story which was originally intended to be a children's picture book.

I am producing it now under a Creative Commons License which allows others to reproduce and add to the work for non-commercial purposes as long as they credit the source.

See kingoftheblackbirds@blogspot.com

It's my hope that art students will illustrate their own version of the story and that young writers will create their own sequel.

I have small collection of my early poems which is currently available through createspace.com and amazon.com

The book is called This IS Not A Sad Song- I am just remembering.

That book is copyrighted, but during the Summer of 2012 I will be setting up an interactive site similar to the kingoftheblackbirds.blogspot.com one. It will be an interactive platform which invites not only readers comments, but perhaps more importantly the presentation of short works by other writers who were inspired by something from This Is Not A Sad Song.

Helping the creative juices of the world to flow more freely is more important to me than selling a few extra books here and there. I believe that the open source movement can be beneficial to artists, writers and every creative person. Simply having your work seen by many who might not ever know about it can be important. In the long run it could help you get to where you hope to go.

It would be easy slip into thinking

that you would allow me to say or do anything.

Yes, ANYTHING,

as long as I did so discreetly,

without embarrassing you.

I know that you do trust me completely

because I have never done more

than was OK with you.

All the little things which you have allowed

the very small gifts,

the sharing of intimate information-

probably meaningless to most anyone else,

but significant to us,

and some real

or imagined

moments of genuine tenderness.

I did begin to think that there was only one thing keeping us apart.

But the truth is,

that there may well be some limits

inside your heart-

Doors you don't want me to ever try opening.

Things you really might NOT WANT

me to say or do-

not just too much

or too soon,

but Not At All- Period!

That may be.

That may be.

And I have to face that possibility.

But, I also can't quite contain myself-

can't keep myself from considering the what ifs:

What if it feels every bit as unbelievable, yet wonderful to you

just as it does to me.

What if you are just as terrified of this whole thing as I am?

And what if you are not completely sure about me-

about what I want and what I am promising-

if anything at all.

And what if we could get past all that.

Would things be worse,

and even more uncertain

less secure

than they are right now

Could I give you a better life?

With more stress and strain

would I long for

and then run?

Off to my old friend,

Freedom-

my only real and true friend ever-

until I met you.

What are we to do?

Just ignore it all?

Pretend we feel nothing?

Pretend we do not recognize

what is impossible for a single second

to forget.

That it is as if we have always known

and loved each other.

Always-

Down through the centuries,

perhaps from the beginning of time

and on into forever.

We are an eternal thread of human affection

Maybe

but maybe it's all just another dream inside my head.

And you're no more real than anyone else.

I don't know.

You seem like THE ONE,

but I don't know.

Do you?

4th of July Meditation

July 4, 2011

South Redondo Beach

Low Overcast, almost foggy in some places near the water line

Meditation after coffee and a beach walk with Linda

Linda and I find a relatively secluded spot on the otherwise crowded beach.

Linda sets her iphone alarm for thirty minutes.

I take a few notes to myself and move back and forth between states a few times before settling in:

I imagine myself swimming just beneath the surface heading out toward

the drop off. For the most part I swim using my legs with only an occassional stroke or two

from my arms. I find myself deliberately slowing the pace of the kicking in an effort to be more relaxed. I decide to use as little energy as possible.

I realize that at this pace I will use up the entire time just getting to the edge

that I am headed for, so I make a mental leap to that destination and am there.

I give one last kick and begin to slowly move my arms diving deeper into the darker waters.

I notice that there is no sea life, then suddenly see a dolphin who seems to be welcoming me.

She swims nearby and then departs. I have a sense that she will be around if needed.

Before too long I see a shark. Not especially large, or particularly threatening. A Blue I think,

not really dangerouls, but still bigger than I am. We both attempt to circle the other. It soon departs.

In a little while a slightly larger white shark appears.

It too attempts to begin a closing circle manuever toward me. I head directly for it

and at the last moment flip backward 180 degrees and kick it in the snout. The beast takes off

and I feel victorious, for a moment, but before it has gone far it turns and heads back toward me.

This time it's coming straight at me. I am no longer as confident as I had been,

but continue to respond instinctively. I too swim toward my opponent. This time I hit the creature with my fist, right on the opening of one of it's smell receptors. It turns away quickly and scrapes my hand as it goes.

I rest motionless for an undeterminable amount of time contemplating the roughness of the shark's skin. Then in the distance I see it. A very large great white. Larger than I ever imagined. I remain still. Something tells me to do nothing. I remain as I have been.

I think that it will help if I close my eyes so that I don't panic so easily if it, no, no

when it comes closer.

I have accepted this encounter.

I deserve whatever happens. I shouldn't have tried to hurt that other shark.

I am not trying to get away. I am open to whatever happens.

I welcome this experience, no matter what.

I decide to reopen my eyes and see the shark moving toward me very slowly.

It is barely moving. It's mouth is open. I feel it's tongue touching my stomach.

It is tasting me. After a moment, it opens it's mouth wider and turns to leave, but scratches me

on both back and abdomen in several places, but they really are only scratches.

Linda is still deep in her meditation when I come out of the surf. As the water drips off of my skin, I realize

that I am naked. I think to myself. I hope she doesn't mind that I have nothing on, but just then I am back sitting beside her fully clothed. My left leg is beginning to fall asleep. I stretch it out slowly, and sensation starts to return and I look over at Linda.

Her eyes are open, but she is looking out to sea. I look down at my green tee shirt, glad that no blood is seeping through. Linda would not want any on the seats of her car.